Been on a bit of a rollercoaster ride this past week or so. Some days I feel completely incompetent and at sea, and other days I feel like I'm plugged in and on top of things. A lot of that has to do with this huge project I'm doing here at my day job, without the assistance of my immediate boss who — as previously mentioned — likes to take off for vacation at times like this.
But it's also the coming baby and the mounting feeling that I'm totally unprepared for the realities of having a baby, and feeling like I'm doing the same thing I always do with large projects or events in my life — start out strong and excited and then, start to fade as the work piles up. I need to get my head out of my usual scared place and get back on top of the few things I know I can and should do to prepare for miss Ella arriving in three and a half months.
Change is happening all around me. More friends are pregnant. Two close friends are moving, or have moved. People getting new jobs. And I'm still in the same place, stuck as to what I want to be doing. I'm too damn comfortable being undecided and conflicted. I need to figure out how to make a decision (look HARD for a new job? try my hand at tv writing? figure I'll be at Workman for a while longer and really commit to moving up here?) and make the fucking decision already so I can get a move on.
I'm too much a prevaricator and too little an actor, in the action sense of the word.
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