books

The thing about a book is that it makes me feel like I'm doing something. If it's non-fiction, I'm "learning something" even though my retention is horrible and any boost I get in understanding of the subject I'm reading about fades to a vague mush pretty quickly. Fiction gives me the feeling of forward momentum as I follow the plot to the conclusion, as I count down the pages toward the end. I swallow books the way I eat my food — greedily and with hopes that it will fill me up in a way that is more than physical. I am living my life on hold these days; getting done what I can get done, trying to keep a lid on the constant fear and stress that comes with keep a little three-and-a-half-month-old alive and happy while toying with the idea of some kind of fulfillment outside of day-to-day need completion. I do not claim to be unique or special in this. Every parent must go through this. I am just blowing off steam, trying to find a way forward that isn't just thoughts in my head; trying to move toward action.