[clever title here]

I've got Aimee Mann singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas to me over the computer speakers. We got our tree yesterday and decorated it. Put up the bells on the inside of the front door — something we did once, I think, when I was a kid and loved it. When I realized that I could have that every year and that people actually sold such things I was thrilled.

Christmas is the one holiday that I really get excited to celebrate. Thanksgiving is nice. Lots of football and food and relaxing. My birthday is okay, I guess, but I also find it stressful in a stupid way. And, technically, that's not a holiday. I mean, it's not celebrated by everyone (as it should be). But Christmas... Christmas I like.

And no, it's not the presents. Every year I get asked what I want and I don't really have an answer. Sure, there are things I'd like to have. Things I covet, even. But whether or not I get them, ultimately, isn't that important (said the guy who just spend $2k on a new tv — but I agonized over spending that money, okay?)

But, no, really, I don't care that much. My favorite part of the holiday — the thing I look forward to every year — is that for that week or so, everything stops. The world I live in comes to a complete halt. There are places I have to be, maybe... some social responsibilities, perhaps. But that's nothing. When the world stops, those are enjoyable. Because it's only at those times when I really, really relax. That is the time when I can appreciate my life and the people around me. Christmas is one of those rare times when I can let go of that constant muscular tightening around my chest and my shoulders. I smile more easily.

I wish I could take that feeling and live like that throughout the year, and just enjoy more. But we're going to have a child. I have a feeling that relaxing isn't on the agenda any time soon. But that's okay. Some things are worth the price — I would willing give whatever I have to give for this gift that's not coming until next spring.

What do I want for Christmas? For Amy and the baby to be healthy. For me to know how to be a good father.