today

Today is the big day. Well, today is A big day. Today we have the ultrasound that — if the child cooperates — well tell us what flavor of baby we're going to have. It will tell us what the sex of the infant that we are going to raise to functional adulthood, keeping it alive and happy, explaining how the world works, and being it's primary source of answers and safety.

Well, when you put it like that it's a little more daunting.

Regardless of the angst and stress associated with the forthcoming Riedy (and it wouldn't be a Riedy without angst and stress!) I'm thrilled and jazzed to find out whether the babe is avec or sans penis. (Any feminists among my Rieders — this is a typo I am deciding to keep — feel free to write me an angry letter about how a woman is not just a man without a dongle. As if I don't know this. As if I don't only write things I think are somehow clever and/or amusing, regardless of how you insensitive types take it. Wussies.) I just hope the kid will spread its legs and give us a nice clear shot of the crotchular area so we can be sure and safe in our naming decisions.

There have been layers of ... how to say ... acceptance? No. Belief? No. Investment? Well, it's a bit dry but that about covers it. There have been layers of investment in Amy's growing belly. In the first trimester, it didn't feel real at times. There would be hours during which the basic underlying fact of the pregnancy would slip out of my mind. And when I would think about it, I was afraid to really bet on it, for fear that something would happen. I have known many friends and loved ones who have had that something happen, and I was backing off on being too excited until the dangerous First Trimester passed.

And then it did pass. And the belly did start to grow (quite early to our slight shock and the kind of worry that all pre-parents must go through — wondering if something is wrong because it doesn't seem normal somehow). And I started talking to it and cradling it with my hand when Amy and I would spoon on the couch or in bed. Everything started to seem more real (and I started freaking out slightly more, wondering what preparations I should be making, and feeling like I was starting out behind and didn't know what to be doing. I'm still somewhat in that phase. I'm wondering if that phase ever goes away. Maybe when the kid moves out.)

But today we're going to see him or her up on that screen and I already feel like this is going to be huge. Once we can call him or her by name, then ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WE GOT A BABY ON THE WAY!

There will be pictures later. Maybe tomorrow.