Today was our office Christmas party. I wasn't looking forward to it. I was looking forward to the short day — the party started at 4 p.m. I was going to duck out around 5 and head up to Avalon to pick up my Big Check for Crosspix that they're holding for me. (I said I'd come pick it up rather than having them mail it. That way I can ooooh and ahhhh right away and then sprint to the bank and deposit it as soon as possible.) I thought about leaving right as the party started, actually. Duck out quick and nobody would miss me. Maybe tomorrow they'd ask "Were you there?" and I'd say "Yeah, I was there for a while. Didn't you see me?" But, no, I decided that I should make an effort to be social.
I went downstairs to the bar and got a nice, strong Jim Beam and Ginger Ale and forced myself into a conversation or two. It went well. I came across, I think, as a normal human being. The alcohol helped, I think. I spoke with a few people in my department that with whom I've never had conversations. I said a few funny things which actually made people laugh. It was good.
Again, I wonder why it's only in these "special circumstances" that I'm able to relax — as if I'm only given permission to let go of my day to day stress at certain times. (Well, okay, I can't have Jim & Ginger at work every day. Or can I...?) I need to learn to let go and shrug off the daily yolk and interact with people. Relax for fuck's sake.
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